My name is Jamaal.
You have attempted to show your solidarity with us by issuing public statements. Did you think your words make any difference to us? That is an insult.
Some of you have marched with us and chanted our slogans. Do you think we don’t know that this was make-believe?
Some of your yeshiva students kneeled, thinking that would right your wrongs.
It is not nearly enough.
You Jews invented racism, and you must own up to that. You read in your synagogues and teach your children that Ham was cursed to forever be a slave. Then you tell them that we come from Ham.
Your Torah and your books are filled with the laws of slavery, that your people practiced long before America existed. Your rabbis owned slaves and were proud of it. You brought racism and slavery to America and the country was founded on your racist values.
You built your businesses on the sweat and blood of our people. Your mansions belong to us. Your fancy cars belong to us. You march with us and say you want justice. You want justice? Give us back what is rightfully ours.
We have the following demands to start:
1. A contribution of ten million dollars to Black Lives Matter to help fund future p̶o̶g̶r̶o̶m̶s̶ programs. This is small change for you people.
2. Rabbis and Jewish leaders across the country must publicly denounce the systemic racism, sexism, homophobia, and trans-phobia of the Jewish people and the Torah.
3. Rabbis and Jewish leaders across the country must publicly denounce the state of Israel for its systemic racism and mistreatment of Palestinians and other minorities.
4. Your synagogues, schools, and yeshivas must hire representatives of the Black community to board positions to oversee a culture of change and inclusiveness.
5. Your synagogues, schools, and yeshivas must adopt curriculum reforms designed by our organizations.
6. Racially offensive passages from your Torah and books will be cut out and replaced with culturally appropriate material.
7. The offending passages will be publicly burned.
8. In a symbolic gesture, representatives from each community will be asked to urinate on a Torah.
9. Reparations and damages owed our people will be assessed, and a monthly payment plan will be instituted for each Jewish community.
10. Jewish-owned businesses will participate in a similar plan separately.
These measures will ensure that we will be able to move forward in peace and begin the healing process. We look forward to your cooperation with future p̶o̶g̶r̶o̶m̶s̶ programs.
(In case it’s not obvious, this is a parody. But for how long?)
